In the Eye of the Storm: Sibling Rivalry

So today there was a tremendous thunderstorm that bellowed amongst toe Northeast Kingdom of Vermont.  It was beautiful, and exciting, and ominous.  It shook my house- lighting crashing and cutting across the immediate sky. It drenched us in cold rain, drowning my beautifully planted marigolds, and quenching my tomatoes and cucumbers as they slowly grew towards the sky during this mid-summer, blissful, beautiful, nature created flurry.   It rumbled through the land, it excited our people, it ravished our soles. 

And it ruined my day. It literally destroyed every piece of my sanity that ever existed. 

Intense and persistent rain forced my children to remain in the same space from dawn until dusk.  And let me tell you, there is no greater despair and pure annoyance than spending the day with a sassy 7-year-old and an over-tired 4-year-old.  They hated every second of being together, stuck in this overbearing, uncontrollable weather.  And a part of me doesn’t blame them.

My son, 7-years-old, and full of sarcasm, quick wittedness and inappropriate humor, refused to give his sister a break all day long. He teased my dear daughter at every moment of her waking being.  She smelled like poop.  She talked like a baby.  She walked funny.  She was dressed unmatched.  She was dirty.  She was everything that life hates.

And oh boy, my 4-year-old daughter, with her strong will and harsh temper lashed right back.  She made comments like, “I hope you’re run over by a car” and  “I want you out of this family.”  And even, to my dismay, “I wish you were dead.”

Awesome, kids.  So glad you antagonize each other so much that you really just wish neither one of you even existed.

And the real question is:  How is this type of rivalry between siblings considered “normal”, or “typical”?  Because playing the role of the mediator is literally driving me to a slow, painful death. 

And really, it’s not like I’m clueless.  For god’s sake, I’m a children’s therapist! I’ve helped so many children and families work out their conflicts.  I’ve spent hours convincing parents that this type of arguing is normal and expected between siblings.

But this was all before I experienced it first-hand.

I came to this realization today:  My kids literally want each other suffer slowly as they die a slow death, while I wallow in self-pity in the background.  They truly, with their sincere heart and souls, hate each other.  They despise every inch of one another’s living, breathing, heart-pounding being. 

And the sad part it, they’ve convinced me that it’s my fault.

It’s my fault that Amelia got one more mandarin orange in her pre-packed cup than Avery.  It’s my fault that Amelia got purple play-doh and Avery got green.  It’s my fault that Henry Danger is airing on TV right now, instead of Shimmer and Shine.  It’s even my fault that it’s raining out, and that our plans were cancelled for the day.

My kids hate each other, and evidently it’s all my fault.

But really, I question, how is it that they’ve come to the point where they can’t even exist, side-by-side, and cooperate for just one day in a closed space without literally wanting to commit murder by the end of the day?

“Mom, Amelia is sitting in the comfy chair.”  Ok, maybe I should just slice a thick cut in her jugular, Avery.

“Mom, Avery wants to play Mario Kart and I hate that game.”  Ok, let me just go blow off his head with a machete.

It seems as though that’s seriously what they want in those moments.

Can’t we just learn to tolerate each other for one day?  Is it really going to cause us so much agony that we feel the need to wish that our other sibling was dead instead of alive? 

My GOD, kids!  Is this still considered in the realm of normalcy in looking at sibling rivalry?

My little beings, It’s pouring rain outside.  We can’t go out there.  If you want space, go to your rooms. 

I love you both, and I see that you hate each other most of the time.  I see that you value any opportunity you can to throw one another under the bus. 

And trust me, I kind of understand it. I grew up with siblings, too.

But for the love of god, cut me a break.  Try to get along and play with each other for at least 30 seconds.  I promise it won’t kill you. However, I can’t promise you won’t kill each other, and that’s what’s really terrifying.

I wish you two could just step back for a moment and see each other like I see you. 

What I want you guys to know, is that as much as you don’t love each other, I love you both. Even if it really, truly is my fault, Im trying by hardest!

And someday, believe it or don’t, you’ll be glad the other one exists.

 I promise.