An Open Letter to my 6th Grade Son, during the 2020 Pandemic

 An Open Letter to my 6th grade son, during the 2020 Pandemic:

Dear 11-year-old-son,

First and foremost, I want you to know that there is always a specific challenge in U.S., or even World History, that directly affects youth.  In my time, it was 9/11.  In your time, it is the Covid Pandemic. 

There’s a few things I am grieving this year, as your mother.  

First and foremost, your ability to see the world.  You’re at such an influential age, and I’m struggling with the idea that during this important time, you’re stuck at home, and not experiencing the world as we know it. I just want you to to know, there is SO MUCH the world has to offer you.  In the contiguous United States, and also in so many other parts.  We’ve exposed you to Florida, and NYC, and the wider part of New England.  But we wanted you to know more, and learn it for yourself.  

And then there are the regular childhood things.  I am so sad that basketball won’t happen for you this year.  You loved playing last year, and this would have been your final year as an “elementary school” child.  You would have earned the trophy and the sweatshirt.  So sorry you had to miss that.

And for the past few years, we’ve been looking forward to your 4-day field trip to Nature’s classroom in Maine.  This is where you would learn team building skills, and connection with nature and your peers.  So sorry you had to miss that.  

There are other things that naturally come along with 6th grade- independent learning, school dances, finally caring about what clothing you wear and how you look at school.  So sorry you had to miss that.  

And 6th grade graduation? Unknown. But in advance, so sorry you had to miss that.  

I’m so sorry you had to miss these important parts of childhood, at such a tender and influential age.  And I also know, I am much more heartbroken about it than you are.  

When you’re a child, you just kind of take life as it comes. This is your life.  I’ve learned, somewhat slowly-- I’m grieving what could have been your experience much more than you are.  

My 6th grade son- what a wonderful time in history.  Celebrate your youth- it’ll be a large part of your story, some day!  It certainly wasn’t what I had planned for- but your life is also not a story that was written by me! It’s your own story to share!

A slightly different perspective on COVID-19

So I originally talked about how I thought that maybe this whole “social isolation” thing would be a great opportunity for my family.  And honestly, it has been, so far.  Never, in 10 years married or 14 together have we really had this much time together.  With kids, without kids.  Day in, day out, nothing planned.  Unless we were away on vacation.  But never for days on end at home.  I was hopeful that it would be really great, and then I also think I may have been dreaming.  I may have been standing on top of a rainbow, of sorts, with all my hope and expectations.

So I’ll say this: It hasn’t been absolutely horrible.  We’ve had a little more time together that we’ve really never had before.  We’ve done some nice things as a family- we’ve taken walks together, made meals as a family, and done some household projects.  Overall, they’ve been somewhat successful family experiences.

And now, I’m facing reality. 

All this is going to get old, real fast.

I’m not saying this because my family isn’t strong, because we certainly are.  And I’m not saying this because we don’t whole-heartedly love each other, because we absolutely do.  But I AM saying this: maybe sometimes, families thrive because they’re able to have a break from each other.  Now we’ve got no space, no distance, and no break.  We’re together every second.  This is a learning curve, for sure.

I am blessed to live in a home that is away from direct neighbors, with plenty of woods and property to explore.  Thank goodness, because this definitely wasn’t the case about a year ago (my family has recently moved).  We have a larger outdoor and indoor space now, room to have space for ourselves, room to do our own thing.  But still, we’re going to begin to drive each other crazy, even given the space.

During this isolation, it’s begun to look like this: “I wanted to watch this show, but Amelia doesn’t.”  “I’m trying to focus on my schoolwork, but Avery is blasting his science podcast.”  “I really want fish sticks for dinner, but Avery wants spaghetti.” “I really want to play Monopoly, but Amelia wants to play Skip-Bo.”  “I want to go play outside, but Avery wants to play his video game.”  “I really want to finish this sticker book, but Amelia wants to play hide-and-seek.” 

And I get it, these are first world problems.  Minor in the grand scheme of things.  Somewhat easy to work through and figure out.  But still, it’s all the time.  ALL OF THE TIME!!! 

Then there’s this, with my husband who is now also home: Me to my husband: “Can you please take your god damn sap off the stove so I can make lunch for the kids?” My husband to me, “Can you please shut the damn door to the basement before the dog gets down there and pees everywhere?”  Me to my husband, “If you do nothing else in life, please turn of the light in the garage before you go to bed.”  Husband to me, “If you do nothing else in life, can you please wipe the food off your plate before putting in the sink? We don’t have a garbage disposal!”

Then there’s this with the kids: “Who is responsible for feeding the dog today?  Do it, please!”  And then, “Your laundry has been sitting in the basket or 5 days now, please just put in in your drawers!”  Even more, “Brush your god damn teeth, it’s been 2 days!”  “You have all day with no expectations, the least you can do is pick up your bedroom!”

My husband and I, “Why is the house such a mess, we’re home all day, let’s keep it clean an picked up.”  “Why are there books and toys scattered all over the living room, you should be taking care of them!”  “Stop eating us out of house and home, before you know it, we’ll be food insecure and grasping for meals!”  “You need to get some fresh air, you’ve spent the greater part of the day on your devices!”  And finally, at 5 PM, “Change out of your PJ’s and brush your teeth, this is a new day!” 

Folks, these days will be long.  There’s gonna be arguments and quarrels.  We’re going to get sick of each other.  We’re going to want a break, and then there won’t be one.

The kids were excited about home school and remote school at first, but eventually they’ll burn out and fight it.  We’ll be pretty much bribing them over that.  We’ll be begging them to go out and play, to give us a break.  The breaks will be far less then what we need. 

The kids will fight with us.  My husband and I will argue.  We’ll worry about legitimate things, like finances and being able to have enough of what we need, like food, laundry soap, and god forbid, maybe even toilet paper (although it’s the least of my worries).  We’ll argue over household chores and the delegation of such, like laundry, dishes, cleaning bathrooms and sweeping floors. 

Let’s face it- this time together will be a learning experience- wonderful, and un-pretty at the same time.  There will be great times, and unsettling ones, for sure. 

It is my hope we’ll make it through it, and come out stronger as a family.  But I’m being real here: there’s a lot of moments that will be hell.  But eventually, we’ll look back, and consider ourselves survivors of the COVID-19 Pandemic. 

Our kids will tell their grandkids, “we somehow survived that Covid-19 crisis, and our parents did the best they could.” 

I’m going to choose to consider that idea to be the most important to me.  Because the rest is an absolute crapshoot! 

So there’s this Coronavirus Pandemic that’s effecting our whole country right now.  It reminds me of the H1N1 virus 10 years ago.  National Health issue.  Threat to anyone with a compromised or weak immune system.  Scary stuff for those people! 

I totally agree with the idea that we need to limit public exposure- I understand why we’re avoiding large gatherings and spaces where a good amount of people are in close proximity.  Things such as March Madness, colleges finishing out the year online/secluded, general gatherings, concerts, events, all those things.  Makes sense. 

Then there’s families like mine.  I’d be willing to argue families like mine make up a very large percent of our society, right now.  Parents and/or adults between the ages of 21-55.  Children between the ages of 12 months-21.  Middle class families.  Families who work, at least one parent, who are exposed to the general population, and kids who attend public school.  Most week days, day in and day out, each and every day of our lives. 

Department of Health says it shouldn’t be a threat to us.  That generally healthy people will survive it no problem.  But, it’s our duty to protect anyone else from contracting the virus, by staying as isolated and separated as we can be.  This make sense, too.

I’m not panicking, yet.  We heard from the superintendent of my kids’ school district today, and also the one that I work in, that school will not be cancelled as of right now.  We will go about daily business as usual.  I’m happy for that- only because I’m a private clinician who contracts with a school, and, basically, if I don’t work I don’t get paid. So great!  I can work, the kids can go to school! 

But then, there’s this: I would’ve, and still will, absolutely welcome a week or 2 off at home with my husband and children.  

And I just think, weather you’re religious, spiritual, or anything at all, maybe this is God’s way of saying, “The U.S. needs some family time, without interruption.” 

Because let’s ne honest here- there’s little to no opportunity for that, in our country.  At least in the middle class.  Usually, one or both parents work, kids go to school, we don’t have many opportunities to spend time together for days on end, without other life responsibilities.   Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe it would be a positive thing for my family. 

I think of it, daily now.  We’d make meals together.  We’d spend time doing stuff together, like playing board games or cards, watching movies, and playing outside.  We’d work together to complete household chores like dishes and laundry.  We’d collect and boil sap into syrup, we’d gather our chicken eggs, and have bonfires in the backyard, and sit out on the porch if it’s nice enough!  We’d find ways to have fun as a family, and, make the best of our time together.  And maybe, it would be the BEST time.  Maybe it’s something that my family needs in order to realize what’s most important, in order to grow, and become closer. 

Maybe sometimes our outside obligations get in the way of what’s the most important.  Maybe family time is more valuable then we realize.  Maybe we’d really stress about not having the income and finances after missing a couple weeks of work, and, maybe, it’d be WORTH it! 

My family is a hard-working, middle class family.  My husband and I spend most weekdays working.  My kids spend most weekdays at school.  Honestly, COVID-19- what an awful pandemic.  But at the same time, my family welcomes the seclusion!  God gave us this for a reason!